Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
"Use the forceps, Luke!" -Obi Gyn Kenobi 
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
My wife's cooking is so bad, we pray after the meal.
These days when I say I’m “hittin it,” I’m talking about my pillow.
Thought for the day: The forest was shrinking yet trees kept voting for the axe because its handle was made of wood and they thought it was one of them.
The six flags rollercoaster that people got stuck on.... Obamas fault.
I'd give five bucks to hear First lady Melania say, "Moose and Squirrel".
I'm trying to figure out if those anti Trump Safety Pin wearing folks are also NRA advocates since Walter Hunt the inventor of the Safety Pin also invented the Multi Shot Repeating Rifle.
I had so much Chinese food for breakfast I can barely wok
The difference between drinking on St. Patrick's Day and drinking on Cinco De Mayo is that nobody pretends to be a Mexican.
What if nobody was president and we all promised real hard to just be cool
A new poll actually found that 47 percent of Americans do not approve of Mitt Romney's running mate, which isn't too bad considering most Americans don't approve of Paul Ryan's running mate !
Met a hot chick online last night. Name's Casey. Lives in Florida and loves kids! Super excited! I think she could be the one.
Things I don't like: 1) Probably you. 2) Cold coffee. 3) Small talk. 4) Mondays. 5) Having small talk with you on a Monday while my coffee is getting cold.
"Oh my, they're not even wearing their seat belts; this is thrilling!" -Mitt Romney watches a Bang Bus video
:What's black and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre...
In memory of Whitney Houston, all flags should be lowered a crack..
The life expectancy of reindeer is 8-10 years. We can stop singing about Rudolph now.
If you tell a lie and myth so many times, people will eventually believe it so much that they will actually fight to preserve it. Government and Religious institutions are incredibly crafty at this.
we had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. 