Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some people think I'm quiet, others wish I was.

   I don't care about what people think or say about me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive and appealing.

   You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.

   My fiance and her mom say more in one phone conversation to each other than my dad and I have in my entire life.

   Peeing in the bath to rewarm it for her is not as romantic as you may think.

   Madonna is 55, her boyfriend is 22. J-Lo is 46 her man is 26. So if you’re single now, don’t worry, you’re probably a paed0phile.

   Lighting a cigarette immediately after buckling your seat belt is like saying "I wanna die soonish, just not today."

   Katy Perry looks like if an emoticon came to life.

   Where the heck is that "Polka" button on Facebook that everyone keeps talking about?! I have my accordion and I'm ready to boogie.

   Sadly this power outage is more exciting than the actual game.

   If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry.

   Somebody should invent a breathalyzer you can hook to your computer to prevent people from facebooking while intoxicated...

   Thank god I found the good in goodbye because I went through hell from the moment I said hello.

   My neighbor let me borrow his car on one condition, that I treat it like I would my own. So I guess I get to fill the floor board with fast food bags and keep it until it gets repoed!

   Living life through a recession; Got cereal, no milk. Got ham, no bread. Got love but no lover. Got juice but no gin.

   Amazingly after a dozen bottles of Dos Equis EVERY man thinks he is the "Most Interesting Man in the World."

   i once solved a rubiks cube by not buying it

   entrepreneurship - only cure for monday morning blues..!!

   Sometimes, you simply need to walk away from people that weren't who you thought they were...or more importantly, who you wanted them to be.

   a drinking problem...I can't afford it