Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i wish there was a friend, who could help me as much, as music does

   Expect the Best, be prepared for the Worst, F$%k what others think & do your own thing!

   I'd like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.

   Trying to find a good time to tell my dog he is adopted...

   99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 7%.

   Say what you will about him,,, but I think it's pretty cool that Jesus spoke in red letters.

   Maybe its just me but The 'poke' button on Facebook should be replaced with a 'slap' button.

   Wishing everyone Happy Diwali (Festival of Lights) :)

   I Always carry $40,000 cash on me at all times,, You know,, in case I ever feel like getting a sandwich while I'm in the airport.

   Oh-NO !! There's BLOOD in the toilet,,,,,,, I can't remember, is it “Red stool at night,, colon's delight. Red stool at morning,, bowels take warning.” Or the other way around???

   Divorcees: Because one man's trash is another man's booty.

   You guys see the Casey Anthony video diary yet? I think she's grown. She looks like the kind of person you could start, and then murder a family with.......

   "It's complicated" is Facebook for "he's not hittin' it right."

   roses are grey. tulips are grey. violets are grey. cause I am a dog.

   Instead of playing hard to get, play hard to forget.

   It's not hard finding someone. What is hard is finding someone worth keeping.

   Another sign the world is coming to an end: The Packers are losing and the Colts are winning.

   That education connection girl couldn't have graduated because she is still in low budget commercials.

   You may have come into this world kicking and screaming and covered in someone elses blood, if you continue to re-p ost this boring sh*t we will guarantee you leave here the same way.

   "No" - Old Irish Proverb