Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2658 of 6450

When one person suffers from delusion, it is called insanity.When many people suffer from delusion, it is called religion....

I don't know what's more awkward, Answering Dora, Or sitting there in total silence while she stares at you..

It's not embarrassing that you're still writing 2014 on your checks... What you should be ashamed of, is that you still write checks.
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01-04-2015 17:37 by snotty
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Confucius say: Woman who keep husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
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11-21-2013 20:14
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Don't worry about the bullet that has your name on it. Worry about the one that says "To Whom it May Concern."
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10-15-2013 19:51
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The first rule of Women's fight club is don't tell anyone what you're mad about or why you're fighting
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11-29-2013 07:15 by flinnie
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Why "Trojan" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.
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12-01-2013 06:45 by HiYourJon
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If your face doesn't look like a glazed donut ..your doing it wrong.
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05-04-2014 03:47
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Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.

The difference between love and lust is one letter: hotel vs. motel
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07-31-2014 01:03 by Baddie
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FYI: A ton of people is only like ten or fifteen people.... or 5 Wal-mart customers
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08-23-2014 21:11 by snotty
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Take it easy this Black Friday, (try not to trample anyone to death) because it isn't supposed to look like a riot you idiots... Shop online like a real modern American!
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11-28-2014 15:39 by John Y
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I got in touch with my inner self today. That's the last time I buy single-ply toilet paper at the Dollar Store.
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06-25-2015 14:50
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True story: one time I said "excuse me" to my own reflection into a glass door headed back into the bar
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07-15-2015 21:32 by Cicci
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Crap. Got another Canadian quarter in change. But I’m a clever one; now it’s the Salvation Army’s problem.
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12-13-2015 19:19 by snotty
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Of course I'm out of my mind. It's dark and scary in there.

how mad will you be when you find out all the herbs and spices in kfc is just salt
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08-04-2010 02:25
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Beep...Beep...Beep....Would it be too much to ask for a smoke alarm to warn me of a low battery when the sun is actually up?! Beep...Beep...Beep....
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08-17-2010 07:24 by Jeff
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..i thought it was sweet of my boss to gather us all together and warn us of the massive amounts of snow expected overnight and to drive carefully... then also warn us to "show up to work tomorrow or else". Aww they really DO care!

People say I have an attitude problem. I disagree. It's my attitude, but it's their problem!!!
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03-20-2010 15:19 by ANGELA
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