Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I've never been in love... But I imagine its similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.... :D

   A friend of mine called herself a geniust....yes your heard right, a geniust. I didn't have the heart to tell her.

   The only productive part of me today is my liver.

   This just in: Notre Dame has made adjustments from last night’s scrimmage and is looking forward to the real game tonight…

   I've been living dangerously for the last couple of weeks. My girlfriend got a new cookbook for Christmas.

   Well,,, You don’t see as many people in the third world with a ‘slow metabolism’??,,,, do ya!

   I'm trying to save the world from the dangers of alcohol, one drink at a time.

   The idiot in me likes you.

   My girl sent me to the store to get her some pads. Brillo good?

   You can stay, but your morals have to go!

   n't sending a girl to drama class kind of like sending an Irish kid to drinking lessons?

   How many "friend-zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw.

   Pants are for people with something to hide.

   Just heard Yoga Pants are being re-designed to be less revealing. I'll be keeping an eye on that.

   The problem with the general public is that it's made up of people.

   Of all the people that ignore me... you're my favorite.

   Those who say they "I slept like a baby" obviously have never had one.

   To you it's copyright infringement, to me it's a remix.

   My 2 year old is going through a phase where she screams out what she is about to do before she does it. I had to explain to her that only adults on social networking sites were allowed to do that. :)

   Tracy Morgan collapsed at Sundance and is blaming the altitude. I agree. He was way too high.