Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I'm trying to find a place inside your heart, but it's hard to start a fire without a spark. Can you work with me here! 
Reports say that credit ratings are soon to be abolished for private individuals. All you need these days is a valid receipt from a your local gas station!
My brain hurts from all the serious issues being discussed on "Fox News"... I think I'll turn the tv to "CNN" for a little comic relief
Before I got married I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
Earthquake in Mexico. 50,000 dead. England sending money, France sending food, US sending Replacement Mexicans. Pack your sh!t up, you're going home.
If you are ordering Chinese food and ask them for Miso soup, and they are out of it, do they tell you Miso sorry??
Some people who copy and paste jokes from other's status messages from other sites are idiots… A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
German tampons should be called twatstikas.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
I remember when the candleshop caught on fire. Everyone just stood around singing "Happy Birthday".
says eat your school, stay in drugs, and don't do vegetables. :]
I once dated a girl with one boob bigger than the other...She entered a wet t-shirt competition and won first and third prize
I must go to work! there are people on welfare depending on me.
I can't believe Charmin Bathroom Tissue. I shared with them a great marketing slogan, and they rejected it: "Just like the Starship Enterprise, Charmin circles Uranus in search of Klingons."
Sometimes its funny how the person you wana catch the grenade for is the one throwing it at you.
Great day with family, great food but right now I am egg-zausted!
I've had 4 cups of coffee in the past hour and now I look like I have Parkinson's.
The day I get my license is the day you get hit by a car.
Hey, I found your nose, it was in my business again!
had a DNA paternity test done on my dogs new puppies....Turns out they all belong to Arnold Schwarzenegger. ツ 