Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Moral compass? Is there an app for that?

   I'm at my most popular when I just want to be alone.

   I like you, but not 'get dressed and leave the house to see you', like you.

   Why can't people tolerate a touch of their own medicine?

   Wondering if Google searches John Tesh for answers.

   busy kidnapping yard gnomes.

   Well that's funny...actions do not speak louder than words when you're beating a mime.

   my facebook wall is not the best way for me to respond to you Quicker,.. You'll have better luck getting a hold of me if you were to shout my name inside your own home... well,.. I guess depending on the situation."

   I have a new philosophy to foster peace and harmony in the universe: GIVE ME WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT.

   went to his first gambling anonymous meeting last night.. They gave me 2:1 odds that I won't make it...

   understands this whole concept of cooking and cleaning. What I don't understand, and has not been sufficiently explained, was how this all applies to me or why I should even try?

   The good old days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems..

   TWILIGHT: Turning the bloodthirsty undead into a bunch of wussies for over three quarters of a decade.

   all I have to say is ..... HADOUKEN

   Scientists they don't know why this is true, but it's true. Women with big rear ends live longer.. Men who tell them that, Don't."

   Pizza+Coke+Double Chocolate Fudge=Life is good!!;)

   very keen on multitasking, and therefore doesn't appreciate being told which electronic products she can or cannot use while in the shower.

   I would like to give you a piece of my mind, but this is my last piece.

   A headache: Not how I expected to start my weekend... I was thinking more of ENDING it with one!

   In new tape, Bin Laden 'furious' that Brian Wilson has scarier beard.....