Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Go ahead, try and hang them with care and see if that holds. I'm hanging my stockings with tacks this year.

   I just let my mind wander, but it didn't come back yet.

   I truly hope that we will all be friends until we are all old and senile...Then we can be NEW friends!!

   laughing at "suggested" friends that he will never be friends with

   They should change the name from "Girls Gone Wild" to "Girls Got Drunk!!!"

   It may be surprising to know that hippos are the cause of more deaths in the wild than any other animal, but you can't say you weren't warned just how hungry they were.

   Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest of us just don't think it's a problem.

   You hate me? I didn't even know you existed.

   understands this whole concept of cooking and cleaning. What I don't understand, and has not been sufficiently explained, was how this all applies to me or why I should even try?

   The good old days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems..

   TWILIGHT: Turning the bloodthirsty undead into a bunch of wussies for over three quarters of a decade.

   all I have to say is ..... HADOUKEN

   Scientists they don't know why this is true, but it's true. Women with big rear ends live longer.. Men who tell them that, Don't."

   Pizza+Coke+Double Chocolate Fudge=Life is good!!;)

   very keen on multitasking, and therefore doesn't appreciate being told which electronic products she can or cannot use while in the shower.

   I would like to give you a piece of my mind, but this is my last piece.

   Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

   You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back

   now officaly talking to Himself but somehow I hear a busy signal in my ears. I wonder if I can get Call Waiting????? Wait.... maybe it's better I don't answer myself...

   Wondering if Google searches John Tesh for answers.