Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Dear Victoria's Secret engineers. Bubble wrap panties..... make it happen.
←Rate | 12-28-2012 16:53 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
←Rate | 07-28-2012 08:58 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first scene of Star Wars 7 should be C-3P0 waking up and saying "I just had three horrible dreams!"
←Rate | 01-25-2013 02:04 by Ron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Silence doesn't always mean 'Yes'. Sometimes it means "I'm tired of explaining to people who don't even care to understand."
←Rate | 01-31-2013 15:09 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope the friends that haven't called me in a while know how much I appreciate that.
←Rate | 02-20-2013 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s like people don’t realise that once you’ve had children together, you can never get completely divorced.
←Rate | 03-11-2013 02:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Today its Sunday" Forward this to 15 friends,.. within 7 days you"ll get another Sunday. it really works... One of my friends ignored it and he got Monday within 24 hours
←Rate | 03-31-2013 11:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don't know the man & he doesn't know you're eating his popcorn
←Rate | 08-02-2013 06:03 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Madonna and Johnny Depp seem completely unaware they aren't British
←Rate | 02-27-2014 07:47 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
←Rate | 03-10-2014 01:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
←Rate | 03-29-2014 23:23 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's like the women in this bar don't know how close I am to getting my own apartment.
←Rate | 04-24-2014 13:50 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just bought a medical alert bracelet. It says "Probably just sh*tfaced"
←Rate | 05-11-2014 13:56 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Got any drugs or alcohol on you?" "yup, I'm all set. Thanks Officer"
←Rate | 09-21-2013 10:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
←Rate | 09-29-2013 12:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, what are all us fortunate people complaining about today?
←Rate | 12-06-2014 06:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
←Rate | 02-10-2015 15:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I miss elementary school days where I would have a doctor's appointment and come back to school like a boss with McDonald's.
←Rate | 04-29-2015 06:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait until Whole Foods starts selling "Mars Water" for 50 bucks a bottle.
←Rate | 09-30-2015 20:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tweeted to Steve Harvey tonight that he was still my favorite all-time host of Family Feud; but two and a half minutes later I tweeted again to tell him it is actually Richard Dawson
←Rate | 12-22-2015 00:36 Comments (0)  




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