Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What do frozen beer, burnt pizza and a pregnant girl have in common? Some idiot didn't take it out in time.

   I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?

   If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy

   News Reporter: "So what inspired you to work with Chris Brown?" Rihanna: "Beats me..."

   It's been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.

   ♫ Good Morning USA, I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day. ♫

   Okay, I have a confession to make. About 15 years ago, on a warm Saturday afternoon, just for a few moments, I stopped believing. Please don't tell Journey!!

   Does this leaf make me look fat?" - Eve.

   Why are armed citizens standing guard over their property called vigilantes but rioting anarchists called peaceful protesters?

   I was part of the 30million women march. In November, we marching into voting booths across the country and elected Donald J. Trump as President of the United States of America. for

   Homework: "Do me!" Facebook: "Don`t listen to that slut."

   My maths teacher asked me what comes after 69? Apparently "I do" is not the correct answer

   Who wants to replay the Superbowl next weekend, just so we can have another party?

   You're clearly God's gift to women...if God shopped at the dollar store.

   What an amazing state .. Florida screws up elections and trials

   Guys posting about the royal wedding should have their MAN CARDS revoked!!!

   What are three words a man doesn't want to hear during sex? "Honey i'm home!"

   nothing worse than whacking the door frame with morning wood

   Use OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", What does that make the Tennessee Titans?

   I love it when Friday is in town :))))) because she always brings her friends Saturday and Sunday along too!