Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Grab one midget and demand their pot of gold and you get labeled a "public nusance". Anyone could make the same mistake.

   There will never be true equality until men have to wear jockey shorts with under-wires that lift and separate.

   All we need to keep us happy - is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done!!!

   I'm HAVING A DINNER party tomorrow,how many boxes of cheerios do I need to feed 8 people ..

   Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.

   Kids today will never know the pain of the Dewey Decimal system and how to catalog library books on index cards.

   I hear birds chirping. Either I'm up way too late or I've banged my head cartoon style.

   Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light

   The therapist at my bulimia support group asked if I had anything I'd like to bring up. How insensitive can you get!

   I've been taking my Flintstones' vitamins daily, but I still can't start a car with my feet.

   Watching wealthy politicians who live lavish lifestyles talk about "the plight of the poor" leaves one cold.... and angry

   I don't swim because it's never 30 minutes after the last time I ate.

   Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That's like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."

   "We used all our brainwashing techniques and we still lost" - US Media

   It's usually the ones with the dirtiest hands pointing the fingers.

   I'm so old that I remember when people cared for their country and defended the constitution instead of trashing it and burning it to the ground.

   There's a fine line between crazy & free spiirited and it's usually a prescription.

   Some days, I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots. Other days, I realize it's not just some days.

   Daylight Savings Time: I say start it on a Monday at 5 pm. You wouldn't lose the hour on Sunday, and it would shorten Monday.

   Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.