Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
kind of surprised I'm not an action figure by now... 
I was arrested for indecent exposure, but, sadly, released for lack of evidence.
If Justin Beiber and Miley Cyrus were both drowning at the same time.....what kind of sandwich would you make
I think Haiti should send Washington money for the next 19 months now!
Face it. We're all just a tank of gas away from government cheese
Dear Icebergs, Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a b**ch.Sincerely, The Titanic
You can't put a price on happiness... However the bi-products Water, Pg&E, Internet, Clothes, Shoes, Movies, Food, Transportation, Travel.... You can put a price on.
I ran out of Tupperware one day, so I took my cottage cheese to work tied up in a condom. I'm not allowed to use the employee refrigerator anymore.
No I wasn't born in a barn, but you know who was? Jesus.
pondering why the kids can't give the silly rabbit just one bowl of trix, greedy little brats...
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Yoda's last name Lay-he-hoo?
Why is it called necrophilia and not sexual intercorpse
Apparently there is a difference between Hamas and Hummus... So I have been avoiding my fridge for nothing.
Back seat drivers are all the same..."Why we going into the woods?" "Let me out"
The only rabbit I like on Easter is the one that's plastic and vibrates
Those people that preach Peace and Tolerance to others hate Donald Trump so much that they take time out of their busy day to go and beat up his supporters.
The good news is they're putting a woman on the $20 dollar bill... The bad news is it will be worth only $14.
We had it all Just like Bogie and Bacall Sailing away to Key Largo Here's lookin' at you kid RIP
Last night I wore a Mickey Mouse costume to Chuck E. Cheese and angrily accused him of having an affair with Minnie until I was forcibly removed & arrested. 