Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Am I the only one that flips back and forth like a little kid when I discover 2 radio stations playing the same song?

   Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic

   wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacc...HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAC-MAN

   This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual status update, you would have received further instructions on where to go and what to do.

   Justin Bieber won Artist of the Year at the American Music Awards. **snaps fingers** Mmm Hmmm You Go Girl!!

   Nothing ruins a good porn like a malnourished donkey

   Girls who pretend to act stupid because they think it's cute need to be slapped in the face with a brick.

   I prefer coffee over 5 hour energy because coffee doesn't taste like horse piss...

   Am I the only one that thinks Oscar The Grouch looks like a big pile of weed?

   Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you're counting punches.

   Your mama is so ugly when she went to a nude beach she was asked to cover her face.

   When someone says they're not on Facebook, I look at them like an efn 8-track tape :)

   looks like it's me and Pamela Handerson again this Valentine's Day...

   I always release a new version of myself on Tuesdays.

   Don't need to worry about zombies here in West Virginia....no brains.

   I could have sworn I heard a chorus of a thousand tiny voices rising up from the shower drain to wish me a Happy Fathers Day.

   The problems with heroes is that most of them are buried too soon befor they have a chance to become old men.

   Officer I know I ran that red light but its okay I'll just stop twice at the next one. Are we cool?

   let's jump to 2050, when I'm at the bingo hall checking out the hot little number with the walker and tramp stamp

   If sex is the food of love then masturbation must be the snacks between meals.