Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o' mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE! 
If Osama Bin Laden had a student loan, we would have found him Sept 12.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat exercise when offered something to eat.
■That awkward moment when you're in the grocery store and someone is standing in front of the item you need, so you pretend to look at something else until they move.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic
wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacca wacc...HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAC-MAN
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual status update, you would have received further instructions on where to go and what to do.
Justin Bieber won Artist of the Year at the American Music Awards. **snaps fingers** Mmm Hmmm You Go Girl!!
exploring the relationship between mistletoe and camel toe
Roses are gray, violets are gray. Crap, I'm colorblind.
Am I the only one that flips back and forth like a little kid when I discover 2 radio stations playing the same song?
Nothing ruins a good porn like a malnourished donkey
Girls who pretend to act stupid because they think it's cute need to be slapped in the face with a brick.
I prefer coffee over 5 hour energy because coffee doesn't taste like horse piss...
Am I the only one that thinks Oscar The Grouch looks like a big pile of weed?
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you're counting punches.
Your mama is so ugly when she went to a nude beach she was asked to cover her face.
When someone says they're not on Facebook, I look at them like an efn 8-track tape :)
looks like it's me and Pamela Handerson again this Valentine's Day...
I always release a new version of myself on Tuesdays. 