Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy. 
“Dude things are messed up with Syria.” “Yeah. I hope she performs better in iPhone 6.” I have stupid, really stupid friends
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That's really not necessary
I will never understand how someone could kill in the name of religion... or unfriend me on facebook.
plan for the day. 1. get off work and drink till Monday. 2.figure the rest out later
We never do anything nice and easy, we always have to do it nice and rough.
Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around.
Coffee and cigarettes together it seems are my homebrew version of Ex-Lax
attention celebrities: if you don't want naked self-pics leaked out to the public, STOP TAKING THEM!! damn b!tch!z
Dear U.S. Government, I was just wondering if I can get my tax return in advance. I would use my credit cards but theyr'e maxed out and I am currently unemployed. Regards, everyday U.S. citizen.
Sitting here watching CNN & I like whats going in Egypt, let it be a lesson to other governments to never bite the hand that feeds you...
"I couldn't give a rat's tutu about your emotional distress" -- Judge Judy
Ladies, If you get to a point in a relationship where you have to clamp your legs shut to get him to behave the way you want him to, the relationship is already over!
I hate it when people who are holding a device capable of using Google ask me stupid questions.
I'm amazed at the amount of money every girl I know spends on clothing when when all of them in fact look better without any.
so does this mean there are no more Kodak moments?
The most awkward place to run into a homeless person is on your way to a Coinstar.
It's an awkard situation when you make a milk shake and no one shows up in your yard. 