Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   doesn't want you to call me lazy until you've walked a couple of steps in my flip-flops.

   "Keep this just between you and me" is a guarantee everyone will know by the end of the day

   From what I've heard, there are actaully people whose paychecks last all the way to the next paycheck! I know! I didn't believe it either.

   I wonder if Snoop Dogs favorite kind of weather is drizzle?

   wondering how the Gore's will split the internet in their divorce.

   If your not barefoot, you're overdressed...

   You can watch things happen, you can make things happen, or you can wonder what just happened." ~ Phil Harris RIP

   Can everyone just go n help get all the water out of BP's oil!! Thanx!!

   Bronchitis is my least favorite dinosaur.

   Facebook should have a ”no one cares” button

   I don't care what my boss says, according to this fortune cookie I will soon get a promotion at work.

   wonders should we REALLY put labels on paint cans warning people that eating it could kill them? I mean, should we TRY to save anyone who would make a conscious decision to eat paint?

   I figured out why I don't go out drinking much anymore... result being tagged in embarrassing photos on Facebook!

   "That Wonka is a liar!", exclaimed by my six year old son when he realized his Everlasting Gobstopper was getting smaller and changing color.

   OK Santa I guess your going to celebrate thanksgiving also

   My Mom just said "I'm still hot! It just comes in flashes!"

   Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

   One of the hardest choices I have had to make in my adult life, give my change to the bell ringer outside of Wal-Mart or spend it in the toy vending machine in hopes that I get the cool watch I was wanting.

   Vegetarians - My food sh**ts on your food........

   Whenever someone tells you to take their advice,you can be pretty sure they're not using it.