Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "That Wonka is a liar!", exclaimed by my six year old son when he realized his Everlasting Gobstopper was getting smaller and changing color.

   OK Santa I guess your going to celebrate thanksgiving also

   My Mom just said "I'm still hot! It just comes in flashes!"

   Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

   One of the hardest choices I have had to make in my adult life, give my change to the bell ringer outside of Wal-Mart or spend it in the toy vending machine in hopes that I get the cool watch I was wanting.

   If you see me in ur dream...do tell me how to get out of there...;)

   thinks movies are ruining books since 1920.

   doesn't want you to call me lazy until you've walked a couple of steps in my flip-flops.

   "Keep this just between you and me" is a guarantee everyone will know by the end of the day

   From what I've heard, there are actaully people whose paychecks last all the way to the next paycheck! I know! I didn't believe it either.

   I wonder if Snoop Dogs favorite kind of weather is drizzle?

   wondering how the Gore's will split the internet in their divorce.

   If your not barefoot, you're overdressed...

   You can watch things happen, you can make things happen, or you can wonder what just happened." ~ Phil Harris RIP

   Can everyone just go n help get all the water out of BP's oil!! Thanx!!

   Bronchitis is my least favorite dinosaur.

   I LOVE it when people are overly sarcastic. No, really, it's great! Thanks a bunch!

   My dog hired a Person Whisperer. So now I'm driving home with 87,000 chew toys and I don't know why

   Buying clothes once in awhile for a child doesn't make you a parent anymore than crapping on a windshield makes you a bird...

   Error: Facebook status removed due to awesomeness overload