Monday Funny Status Messages

   Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I'm assuming it's Monday.

   Here's my gym schedule. Monday, cardio. Tuesday, weights. Wednesday, 7 mile bike ride. Thursday, 15 year break. Repeat.

   Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday.

   So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn't even have to happen at all.

   Oops they got my order wrong again. I ordered an extra large weekend,hold the Monday. I'll wait in bed until they get it right!

   If life was a YouTube video, Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.

   Monday I drank a Shirley Temple to mourn her, today I'm going to eat a Caesar salad to mourn Sid, tomorrow I'm having a Bieber burger & crossing my fingers....

   On Sunday nights, if you listen closely,,, you can hear Monday taunting you with the "Jaws" theme.

   A religious man is one who feels repentant on a Sunday, for what he did on Saturday and will do again on Monday.

   Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announced today that he is checking into rehab. He said he entered rehab this week to deal with the problem swiftly — and also because Monday is Cinco de Mayo, and he ain’t missing that.

   Why does Jason kill on Fridays when ppl are just starting their weekend? Why can't he wait til Monday mornings when everyone hates their lives

   Why are you all so excited it's Friday? Monday will be here in 5 minutes.

   Why is that the world is always going to end on a weekend? Why not Monday morning, ideally before I have to get up and go to work?

   got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.

   Shouln't the Monday after Easter Sunday be known as Egg Salad Monday?

   mourning the passing of Saturday & Sunday. *pours out a bit of coffee* "I enjoyed the times we had. You'll be sorely missed." *Glances at Monday.* *Monday stares back.* "Awkward."

   Got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I'm gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist and a priest.

   Just reminding everyone that it's Monday, just in case any of you were feeling overly optimistic.

   My greatest fear on Monday is greeting someone and asking someone how their weekend went and they actually telling me every mundane details about it.

   I can always tell how good my weekend was by how many pictures I have to untag on Monday.