phoenix1029 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I'm assuming it's Monday.
←Rate | 11-05-2012 09:54 by phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I pride myself on being more tolerant than I really should be with the general public. With that being said, we are long overdue for another plague.
←Rate | 12-08-2014 01:19 by phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ☑Hockey mask ☑Machete ☑Sexually-irresponsible campers Let's roll...
←Rate | 07-13-2012 11:09 by Phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks it's hilarious how infomercials and product commercials make simple tasks such as draining pasta or cleaning toilets seem like life-threatening obstacles.
←Rate | 10-07-2011 14:19 by phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon singing, "Nah-nah-nah nah. Nah-nah-nah nah. Hey, hey-hey. Goodbye!"
←Rate | 05-02-2011 01:02 by phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the acceptable amount of days for someone to say, "Happy New Year!" before you're allowed to punch them in the face for abusing the line?
←Rate | 01-02-2013 11:50 by phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon somewhere in Alaska, Sarah Palin is asking, "Who died?"
←Rate | 05-02-2011 00:41 by phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders why Monopoly never gave us any explanation as to why we had to "Go to Jail. Go directly to Jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200". Seriously, what the hell was that about?
←Rate | 05-23-2011 11:55 by phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What the hell do Facebook employees do when they're bored at work? ~phoenix1029
←Rate | 11-23-2011 11:00 by phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Disclaimer: By reading this status, you consent to hold no responsibilty to the owner of this wall any embarrassment from Laughing Out Loud inappropriately, injuries sustained from internal laughter, or any @$$es that may have been laughed off. 
←Rate | 11-21-2011 12:30 by phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love the way my abs look... in the morning... when I suck in my stomach... and turn to the side... while squinting... and the lights are turned off.
←Rate | 01-04-2015 10:01 by phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Fellow Motorist, When your nosehairs get so long you have a boog flapping in the wind hanging on for dear life that can be seen one lane over, I think it's time to invest in a trimmer. Sincerely, Really Grossed Out
←Rate | 09-02-2011 11:00 by Phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, it looks like Ebola has taken a break from mass hysteria to let us celebrate Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 11-25-2014 20:42 by phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


   messageicon New Urban Legand: If you stand in front of a mirror at midnight and scroll so far down your Timeline, you'll end up on MySpace.
←Rate | 11-03-2012 18:13 by Phoenix1029 Comments (0)  


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