father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   saw the HILLYBILLY that won the lottery bought a new car - and transfered his bumper sticker "PROUD FATHER of my NEPHEW"

   In these times, when a celebrity cheats on his wife with multiple women, he gets criticized and exploited everywhere. Back in the founding father days, a man cheats and his face ends up on the 1, 5, 10, 20, 50, and 100 dollar bill.

   the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, do her doggie style! I'd rather have a puppy instead!”

   By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.

   A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.

   i raised myself, Happy Father's Day to me

   flipping channels and saw a girl I hooked up with about a year ago on the Maury show talking about she had only been with two guys and she was 100% he was the father of her baby. It was hilarious! I stopped laughing when Maury said you are not the father

   A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

   Thank you dad for not pulling out!! (to be used on father's day)

   Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

   Dad, this Father's Day, allow me to point out that none of my messes cost 20 billion dollars to clean up.

   My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

   enjoying deleting friends on Father's Day. I'm pretending I'm disowning my children.

   Happy Father's Day to all of the guys who have a kid and don't know about it.

   so far so good.... no unexpected father's day cards or presents!

   Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, and actually came back home.

   a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg

   wondering if Sugar Daddies get anything for Father's Day?

   My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet

   When I was a kid, my father sat me down and told me he had some pictures to show me that would help me to remember to always wear a condom.... Funny thing is that all the pics were of me