Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Marriage tip #39 your wife won't start an argument with you if you're cleaning
←Rate | 01-10-2019 09:50 Comments (2)  


   messageicon How long do you have to be ignorant before you start experiencing bliss ?
←Rate | 01-11-2019 04:36 by Joker Comments (0)  


   messageicon So if Carrie Underwood's injury requires 40 stitches and her face comes out looking like that, where do I sign up?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 10:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
←Rate | 03-23-2018 12:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon It’s not unusual to get Tom Jones songs stuck in your head.
←Rate | 11-24-2018 04:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me or doesn't anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
←Rate | 06-06-2018 16:00 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
←Rate | 06-12-2018 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Baby it's cold outside" is bad because it's about a guy is trying to get laid. "Santa Baby" is ok because it's about a girl trying to screw Santa. Got it.
←Rate | 12-13-2018 09:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hardest part about watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" at this point is realizing I am one of the wah-wah-wah adults
←Rate | 10-19-2017 23:42 Comments (4)  


   messageicon Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
←Rate | 01-24-2018 16:05 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good news for insomniacs! Only 2 more sleeps to Christmas!
←Rate | 11-14-2018 06:29 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 07:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know how TV commercials for burgers places make the burger look much better in the picture than they do in real life? Yeah, that's FaceBook
←Rate | 12-30-2018 09:55 by Mr.Sharp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wouldn't it be nice to have the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 5 year old.
←Rate | 01-14-2019 17:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am concerned about the safety of my children most when they start smart-mouthing and rolling their eyes
←Rate | 02-09-2018 10:59 Comments (4)  


   messageicon Ever noticed that when you are broke, you have common sense.
←Rate | 04-21-2018 22:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This job is really getting in the way of my naps.
←Rate | 05-09-2018 06:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "Hi, I'm here to ruin your life" - Social media
←Rate | 07-11-2018 15:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:29 Comments (0)  




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