Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if facebook was an actual book we could call ourselves intellectuals...

   Gotta love sharing a bathroom with elderly family after Thanksgiving Dinner...I feel like Andy Dufrain crawling thru those 200 hundred yards of pipe for freedom....

   does not care where LeBron is going

   Sometimes the feelings we start to have again are feelings that never really went away in the first place.

   now friends with Jose Cuervo

   The Wonderbra has truth in advertising. She takes it off, I wonder where the boobs went.

   Turning his beds into bunk beds so that there is more room for activities

   My biggest regret in life is eating whatever that was I found under my keyboard about 10 minutes ago.

   "This Cold Medicine Lasts 8 Hours" is the "I Promise I'll Pull Out, Baby" of the pharmaceutical industry.

   ...Nothing says "this wont last"...quite like an engagement ring from Wal-Mart!

   Dear Week, I am leaving you for the Weekend. I would say it's not you, it's me, but let's face it, it was you. Sincerely, Me

   I always text 'lol' but rarely do I actually "laugh out loud". I'm such a liar.

   Please hold while I put on my "Gosh I really care" face.

   So here I am,at the hospital,in the O.R,with scaple in hand,wishing I hadn't lied on my resume about being a surgen...well here goes nothing!

   When I see a woman post consistantly that "All men suck!", I reply with either "Perhaps the problem lies with you." Or "Tell us again who makes the choice to date these a$$holes?"

   when everything seems overwhelming, I just reassure myself that I will die someday....

   I need to either get a new air conditioner or move into my refrigerator.

   Day by day, nothing really changes. Yet when you look back, everything seems different.

   Let's not forget a Happy Father's day to all the Sugar Daddies out there.

   My teacher always is talking to her imaginary friend named "Class".