Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Heres one for MythBusters: See if she can really suck a golf ball thru a garden hose. 
Girls gain weight because their brains can't hold all the info so it spreads to other places. Therefore she's not fat, she's a genius.
wondering why women can't remember to put the toilet seat up after they are finished?
Q: How many drugs did Charlie Sheen take? A: Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
The only wet dream I had about you was when you got hit by a bus and I pissed my pants laughing
Police ordered me to get out of my car 'You're staggering' said the officer .'you're not a bad looking f*cker yourself' I replied
"Give It To Me" She Screamed, "I'm getting Wet, Give It To Me Now".... "Screw Off" I replied "This Is My Umbrella"
"Dad! There's a monster under my bed!" "That's silly. There's no mOH MY GOD! IT'S TEARING MY ARM OFF! Just kidding. It only eats kids. Goodnight..."
Women are not complicated... They just want love... and chocolate... and shoes... and some other stuff
Nothing says you almost got caught watching porn like staring at an empty Google search bar..
Anyone else get that odd sense of victory when your fart causes someone to open the car window in the middle of a thunderstorm??
Tebow is white, plays against Miami, loved by fans, and only plays well in the 4th quarter - he's the anti-LeBron
Bin Laden, Gadaffi, Saddam, and Maliki are part of the occupy Hell movement.
With Lindsay Lohan doubling duty between a Playboy shoot and working at the L.A. county morgue, it should be interesting to see what she wears for Halloween...I haven't spotted any zombie, prison striped, part time lesbian, boozing, kleptomaniac, playboy
currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
The next relationship I get into, I will be buying a bottle of shampoo that some day...for they will both be in a secret competition to see which will last longer...
My bucket list is just a list of things I want to eat a bucket of....
I'm really attracted to how unavailable you are.
The imaginary enemy of my enemy is my imaginary friend.
I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I'm making a healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it. 