Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. 
Dear Facebook, You appear to be on girls' minds at least 10 times a day. Any advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated
Double stuffed- chocolate cream filled oreos? I think someone at Nabisco has been reading my diary!!
I'm waiting for my marriage license to expire because I'm not going to renew
hates eating hard shell tacos. Take one bite and it becomes nachos.
"POOF" did you see that?? No you didn't did you?? "MAGIC" that's why!!!
Put this as your status if you know someone/are related to someone who suffers from "Put This Iin Your Status Syndrome" or PTIYSS. PTIYSS is a real disorder similar to Farmville that aggrivates the $H!T out of other people and should be taken seriously. T
suffering from PMS- Premature Morning Syndrome
Some things time cannot erase. That's why alcohol exists.
facebook suggested me and my ex should be friends. Thats like saying to Facebook 'I think you should be friends with Myspace'.
Surgery went well... thanks everyone for the cards and flowers, but get real people... send food!
doesn't think them as underwear, he sees them more as a manhole cover.
just read an ad in the paper about " free to good home, Hampster, slightly used." whats that all about?
My internet is so slow, it would be faster to just drive to Google's headquarters and ask them this sh!t in person.
"I don't see color." - A person who shouldn't eat snow
The fact that Gordon Ramsay hasn't been gutted yet is all the proof I need to know that his show is staged.
You're never too old to learn stupid siht...
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
Insomnia sufferers - look on the bright side..... Only three more sleeps til Christmas
So Scotland had a little case of premature emancipation. It's ok. It happens. Doesn't make you any less of a country 