Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wish I was as dedicated to anything as much as I am to using movie lines in everyday conversation

   60% of women carry condoms. The other 40% carry babies.

   Superman's disguise sucks when I took my glasses off the police still knew it was me.

   Remember, they're laughing with you, not at you. They're only pointing at you so you know who they're laughing with.

   Don't you hate sitting in a chair after someone gets up and it feels like their a$$ must've been under a broiler?

   people will hate you, rate you, break you, and shake you. how strong you stand is what makes you.

   Remember on Saturday night to set you clocks back an hour and then on Tuesday, not to set the country back 50 years.  .....

   Make America a Constitutional Republic Again.

   it true that the tons of confetti dropped at the Democrat National Convention was actually Hillary's shredded emails?

   It's ALLOWED not ALOUD you moron.

   Meanwhile the Kardashians are busy corrupting our young girls more than Trump and the Clintons put together. We need to take back some moral code in this country before it's too late...

   ... So .... According to his newly available 2013 tax return .... Trump paid only $40,000,000 in Federal taxes in 2013 ... A stark contrast to the $0.00 that the fake Propagandist News Media forces you to believe he paid.

   The Mexicans may not be happy with the building of trump's wall. But they will get over it.

   I asked the waitress if I could ask her a question about the menu, please. She said the men I please is none of your business.

   FAT CHICKS ARE LIKE MOPEDS, THERE ARE FUN AND GAMES UNTIL YOUR FRIENDS CATCH YOU RIDIN ONE.....

   Everyone suffering from diseases and natural disasters: hang in there, we're liking Facebook posts as fast as we can.

   They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.

   My parents accused me of being a liar. So I looked them straight in the eye and said "Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, Easter Bunny." And walked away like a boss

   Some people would be in such good shape if they ran as much as their mouth does

   Dear Colonel Gaddafi: If you are going to use human shields to protect yourself from rebel attacks....May I suggest using Snookie, Justin Bieber, Casey Anthony and the Octomom