Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook should change the "Friends" section to "Friends & People I've Only Made Eye Contact With".

   Jell-O: Doubling the global demand for supply of Vodka since 1923

   ... Dude, turn it down before your windows fall out.

   looking forward to all of the job opeings after the rapture happens...

   Only the brave men wear white underwear

   having people over for dinner. They asked what they could bring, I said dinner,

   I wish I was as dedicated to anything as much as I am to using movie lines in everyday conversation

   60% of women carry condoms. The other 40% carry babies.

   Superman's disguise sucks when I took my glasses off the police still knew it was me.

   Remember, they're laughing with you, not at you. They're only pointing at you so you know who they're laughing with.

   Don't you hate sitting in a chair after someone gets up and it feels like their a$$ must've been under a broiler?

   people will hate you, rate you, break you, and shake you. how strong you stand is what makes you.

   Remember on Saturday night to set you clocks back an hour and then on Tuesday, not to set the country back 50 years.  .....

   I asked the waitress if I could ask her a question about the menu, please. She said the men I please is none of your business.

   Make America a Constitutional Republic Again.

   it true that the tons of confetti dropped at the Democrat National Convention was actually Hillary's shredded emails?

   It's ALLOWED not ALOUD you moron.

   Meanwhile the Kardashians are busy corrupting our young girls more than Trump and the Clintons put together. We need to take back some moral code in this country before it's too late...

   ... So .... According to his newly available 2013 tax return .... Trump paid only $40,000,000 in Federal taxes in 2013 ... A stark contrast to the $0.00 that the fake Propagandist News Media forces you to believe he paid.

   The Mexicans may not be happy with the building of trump's wall. But they will get over it.