love Funny Status Messages

   Beauty and the Beast is my favorite story that teaches kids that if you're ugly, hold a girl against her will & she'll eventually love you.

   I've been burnt by love before. Not in heart broken sort of way but in a the candle wax was a bit to hot way.

   I love having the power to make you read my status updates for no reason. Who's my b*tch? That's right you are!

   Let's play a game. Let's pretend we're in love. lets text each other all the time, just for the fun. Whoever falls in love first, loses.

   Im sure that 24 year old playmate model is not at all interested in Hugh Hefner's money. In fact if he were just a typicaly average senior citizen quite certain she would be equally in love with him. Did I mention I speak fluent sarcasm?

   "Cool, I love candles. What's with the knives? Wait, stop. Please stop!" - pumpkin

   I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I'm roofing.

   I don't fear love's magic, I just fear some magicians.

   Those who say you only fall in love once must not have a FB, cause I see ALOT of PPL falling in love like every other week with a new person!! .. and if this offends you, maybe you need to take a look at your situation.

   My wife was in the bathroom for hours getting dressed to go out when finally she swung open the door and asked "tell me honestly, do I look fat in this?". I replied "yes love, but to be fair, its a small bathroom"

   I love Chinese food as much as the next guy,,, but you'll never convince me a chicken fried this rice.

   A dog asks a cat "How come I've never seen you cats making love in public?" The cat replies, "Do you want humans to steal our style like they did yours?"

   Definition: Brain - Your body's hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.

   You know its true love when she makes you wanna stop deleting your browser history.

   I love when my boss catches me actually doing work.

   Life is too short to wake up with regrets.So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it, and if it changes your life, let it. Enjoy life: you only have one!

   Work like you don't have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at

   I love the lines the men use to get us into bed. ‘Please, I'll only put it in for a minute.' What am I, a microwave?

   When you love someone truly and unconditionally, age, distance, bank balance, height or weight is just a damn number.

   A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.