Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1392 of 6446

Just once I'd like to learn something the easy way.

The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less...
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11-21-2010 11:35
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I'm not feeling myself today....perhaps I should feel somebody else.
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12-10-2010 15:19 by Heather25
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whoever believes this 2012 crap about the world ending.......i mean seriously.....maybe the Mayans just figured it was already thousands of years past their time so why keep counting..........just sayin.......
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01-07-2011 04:20 by bleekerz
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Please lets stop making stupid people famous and financing their stupid lifestyles.
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03-11-2014 02:04
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Calm down R&B singers nearing the end of your songs
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03-12-2014 14:14 by Czovczov
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Guys.. You ever see a very attractive female and think "man, I have no idea how she could be single" and then she says 4 sentences, and it all makes sense...
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05-06-2014 19:45
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Some girl asked what my sign was. I told her it was "beware of dog" and then I dry humped her leg.
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02-06-2015 02:18
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I'm no mathlete but I can tell you that a 6 year old running at 8 mph after an ice cream truck driving 10 mph files 7.4ft when you trip him.
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05-06-2015 14:41
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If tomorrow, women woke up and decided they really liked their bodies, just think how many industries would go out of business..
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10-25-2013 23:21 by BEGO
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Amazon: If you spend $17 more dollars, we'll knock off the $3 shipping fee.. Me: You've got yourself a deal, Amazon.... Every- Single- Time.
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11-07-2013 16:50 by snotty
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I call the other side of my bed the Passenger side. It only makes sense.

I cover up my bathroom noises with high pitched screaming
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01-01-2014 08:46 by flinnie
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If your wife asks you if you have plans for the day, there is a good chance your plans will soon be over-ruled by what she had planned.
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01-12-2014 12:28
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I'm convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
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01-27-2014 11:47
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You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
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02-08-2014 02:25
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Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
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01-12-2016 22:51
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Am I the only one sad that Nick Cannon and his Mom are breaking up?
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09-06-2014 10:28 by snotty
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What she said: "I'd make great wife material" What I heard: "I'm going to nag you to death and never touch your d*ck"
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10-24-2014 00:59
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I was born and raised in the circus, so as a young boy I use to dream of running away from home and joining the suburbs.
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07-25-2015 12:56
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