Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1372 of 6446

Thinks we should we get MAURY involved to confirm Osama's DNA?!?!
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05-02-2011 01:35
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the war on terror will never be won... because they hate us more than they love their children.
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05-02-2011 09:54 by srpdrzman
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i wish it was like the old days when the only thiing I had to worry about was the monster under my bed or which color I wanted to draw a picture
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05-19-2011 21:34 by lex
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I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common?

I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

MSNBC is reporting that iguanas and other lizards near Japan are showing signs of radioactive saliva during normal excretion. I told you Godzilla was coming didn't I!?
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04-01-2011 12:15
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The flea market, but I don't call it the flea market. I break it down into sections. Little Mexico, The Illegal Purse District, Pirated Pathway, and Hot in the Shade.
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04-02-2011 18:58
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I'd mind my own business if yours wasn't so damn interesting
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04-03-2011 12:46 by Destiny
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There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
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04-05-2011 14:33
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The number of ways I could care less is astounding!
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05-23-2011 20:23
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Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
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05-23-2011 21:58 by BEGO
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IMAGINE if Facebook, Twitter, and msn all broke at the same time. We might have to actually get lives.
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06-01-2011 22:05 by BEGO
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"The truth is..." = "Here's a lie I've had some time to work on."

Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
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09-01-2011 10:58 by MTQ
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I hate when someone tags me at the donut shop and I am supposed to be running
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09-03-2011 15:24
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I really question the marketing tactics at Whosale Furniture Outlets. I've never heard anyone say "Oooh! A giant inflatable Ape!! I think I want to buy a couch!"
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09-07-2011 12:05 by JBabcock
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Learn to spell, Auto Correct isn't always write
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09-26-2011 05:52 by flinnie
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Driving on the highway a guy walking on the side of the road gave me a thumbs up I guess he liked my car.
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09-29-2011 17:00 by Lozo
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You know how sometimes you can just tell when someone's had enough of you for one day, so you back off and leave them alone? Me neither.

Two winners for mega millions. One in Indiana and one in Michigan. I hope they both lose their tickets in the snow!
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02-02-2011 05:48 by Dopey420
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