Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

   He's actually dyslexic. He is trying to say 'His Pen is so big'

   I think Tampax should change their slogan to "From our box, to yours".

   Eight year old's today have Facebook, Twitter, iPhones, iPods. When I was there age, I had a dad who beat the hell out of me.

   has an app for that.

   Wow, you look EXACTLY like this girl I finger banged behind a Wendys back in high school. Anyway, I'm Will and I'm here for the job interview.

   This page is meant to be funny, can we please keep religion out of this!!

   When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

   The difference between St. Patrick's Day and Black History Month, is that on St. Patrick's Day....people want to pretend they are Irish....

   funny how it's all white out on the first day of black history month

   Come on PEOPLE!!! Romney DOES not use an Etch-A-Sketch... He "thinks" it's a computer.

   Seeing a lot of posts on Facebook and Twitter about dogs being stolen. Are the Koreans stockpiling food before they go to war?

   Why do porn sites have a "Share to Facebook" button? Who watches porn and thinks, "You know who'd really enjoy this? My family and friends."

   Great Thanks to these doushbags, now I gotta get a background check for a pressure cooker at Sears......

   I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”

   S.O.B.E.R. = Son on a B!tch, EVERTHING's REAL

   Only in West Virginia would see a bumper sticker that reads "Proud parent of a nephew"

   would call you a tool, but even THEY serve a purpose.

   In preparation for 2012, I am building an Ark. I am going to to need two of everything, Two Blonds, Two Brunettes and Two Redheads.

   You know it was a good christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass