Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon This morning I thought I heard a neighbour blasting that new Skrillex song, but then I realized it was just the garbage truck
←Rate | 05-25-2012 09:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon From Kim Jong-un's diary: "Friday the 13th, yeah, that will be a good day to test the rocket".
←Rate | 04-13-2012 13:11 by lkmalee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Traffic is getting so bad during rush hour that you can change a flat and not lose your place in line.
←Rate | 12-22-2011 10:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess my main gifts are in the garage or still at the pet store or something. This is the only rational explanation I can think of.
←Rate | 12-25-2011 14:40 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon i was thinkin about adoption to fill the void in my life, if only I could find someone willing to adopt me..
←Rate | 02-17-2012 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits"
←Rate | 02-05-2010 12:17 by NYSNOBDRX Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I throw a stick will you leave
←Rate | 02-28-2010 16:30 by paddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had money to blow, I would hire two private investigators to follow each other.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You sacrifice. You fight injustice. You think you're making a difference. Then you find out Snooki has a book deal.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎10 should be the limit of how many times you can go on Maury looking for your baby daddy.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 15:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I'd hear myself say that.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 00:35 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:07 by Hannibal Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
←Rate | 11-08-2010 12:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Thank You" is such an insignificant phrase, yet we put so much into it. When we say "Thank You" to a vet or active duty officer, what comes out is 2 simple words, but what is meant is a world of un-seen gratitude, hope, peace and safety. No, "Thank You"
←Rate | 11-11-2010 12:13 by Momofthewildthings Comments (1)  


   messageicon believes they should change the "maybe" response to event invitations to "yep, unless I get a better offer before then".
←Rate | 11-23-2010 17:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
←Rate | 11-30-2010 13:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read where the main Ingredient of Viagra was Miracle Grow and Fit-A-Flat....
←Rate | 08-26-2010 11:43 by RLL Comments (2)  


   messageicon sometimes You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 22:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is some bullish!t. My leg fell asleep before me... :(
←Rate | 09-24-2010 02:23 Comments (0)  




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