Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   girls at hooters may be hot. but when it comes down to it, the ladies at subway are the real wife material..

   Just realised why women love shoes over clothing, because no matter how much weight they gain, the shoes still fit.

   Right now the United States and China are tied in total Olympic medals! Of course we trail in Gold medals because every time we win one we have to turn it over to China to pay our debt!!!

   I am tired of all the jokes making fun of the women gymnast because they have no boobs! They can bend over backwards and do splits, So........... CHECK MATE!

   Scientists Say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons.. They Forgot to mention Morons..

   At the hospital, I parked in the "C" section of their parking lot..... So, naturally, I had to climb out of the sunroof

   Never Judge the Beauty Of a Girl By Her Profile Picture. Judge it By the Photos She is Tagged in

   In honor of Black History Month... I plan to leave my kids and quit my job.

   I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals

   Next time your on a roller coaster take some extra bolts with you then when you're going up that first hill tell the guy in front of you "these just fell out of your chair!!!!"

   let me get this straight -------------------------------~ Damn! So close

   Hi I'm the T-Mobile My Touch 4G. Since Apple gave Verison the IPhone and not us, we feel salty and are going to attack them in every commercial.

   A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

   Being a virgin in this day of age is something to be proud of. It is like being a unicorn!

   In theory, placing a 'Do not press button' sign on a button will arise obsessive temptation to press it. That said - nobody 'like' this post.

   Look, I know you have your "swag on" but can you walk a little bit faster?

   When ever you are single, all you see are couples, but when ever you are in a couple, all you see are hookers.

   am addicted. I bought all the iPhone,iPad,iTouch...now iBroke,ihomeless and iRegret.

   Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray...

   The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.