Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 1240 of 6445

   messageicon My paperless origami business folded.
←Rate | 06-02-2020 17:16 by DJJackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon At what age do you tell your child Alexa isn’t real?
←Rate | 06-11-2020 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Let's make sure there's 3 miles of handicap parking." -Walmart
←Rate | 06-23-2020 13:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d probably be on time more often if I had an alarm clock that yelled, “Pancakes are ready!”
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband is so not into sex, he thinks foreplay is a golf term.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 09:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m the type of person who thinks he lost his keys while driving his car
←Rate | 06-29-2020 10:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ironically "Chumbawamba" totally got knocked down and never got up again
←Rate | 07-13-2020 10:24 by Rickster Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Santa Clause is going to have to wear a mask this year....
←Rate | 07-13-2020 22:04 by Mkane Comments (1)  


   messageicon So I now have 921 friends on my friends list and I just wanted to let you know that you are all awesome people and I love each and everyone of you!!! <3 Except #631
←Rate | 11-15-2018 22:19 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't forget to set your bathroom scale back 15 pounds before eating your Thanksgiving dinner. Happy Thanksgiving :-)
←Rate | 11-18-2018 14:49 by Pilgrim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always choose a proctologist with a good butt-side manner.
←Rate | 11-20-2018 14:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ha ha suckas....Pie and Cake are safer to eat than salad!
←Rate | 11-21-2018 17:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Chicken is offended that even after all the jokes, the crossing on the road is still named after Deer .
←Rate | 11-28-2018 16:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Surely not EVERYBODY was Kung Fu Fighting.
←Rate | 12-01-2018 21:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The subtle art of knowing better but doing it anyway.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 22:15 by DocNoland Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Nightmare on Elm Street is a Christmas movie. Freddy wears a red and green sweater, and gives parents the gift of taking away their crippling financial burden.
←Rate | 12-05-2018 13:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My grandfather use to say "Don't believe everything you hear." which was good advice...... Or was it ?
←Rate | 12-14-2018 04:12 by Joker Comments (0)  


   messageicon Advice for those people who want to discuss politics tomorrow at the dinner table... Just don't
←Rate | 12-24-2018 22:06 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a flat tire...
←Rate | 02-03-2019 11:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman. Everyone knows that.
←Rate | 02-03-2019 11:56 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left