Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   When you get married, wouldn't it make more sense for the groom's mother to walk the bride down the aisle? That way you would have the woman that brought you into this world and the woman that will take you out of it.

   NEWS FLASH: The mother who injected her 8 year old daughter with Botox looses custody... *The child didn't look surprised.

   If my mother knew how many potential grandchildren I swallowed I wonder if she'd be proud or appalled.

   One day, as a little boy, I wrote to Santa Clause. "Please send me a little brother." Santa Clause wrote me back,,, "Ok, send me your mother."

   I'm sorry Charlie Brown, but your mother is dead.... Turns out, she had a trombone lodged in her throat and eventually just suffocated to death

   i find it ironic that in "the smurfs 2" the stepdad explains to Neil Patrick Harris' character how he met his mother

   A string of stars tattooed on your chest is a great way to let everyone know you're a 22 year old single mother of 4 kids.

   For every one text I send my mother, I have to send 4 more texts explaining what it means

   *Maury opens envelope*......................"Necessity IS the mother of Invention!"....... *Necessity jumps up and throws chair across stage*

   Maybe Mother Nature wants to be a dirty girl!

   A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.

   His dad was Mexican, His mother Italian, Both were Jedi Masters..... He's, Old Bean Juan Cannoli. (lol, I'm not even sorry)

   Mother caught me jerkin it when I was 13. She asked my dad when would I stop: He told her she'd have to ask someone older than him.

   writes apology to 90's hip hop for the words he never gave to his mother.

   Instead of getting periods, can girls just get a text once a month from mother nature saying 'you're not pregnant have a nice day!'

   Why not just call her NORTH POLE because following in the footsteps of her mother KIM she is destined to be a stripper.

   Thank God for my mother being so horny 31 years ago or I could have just died a slow death in a sock.

   Chill, single moms. You don't see us single dads celebrating mother's day!

   If you don't have a watch,, The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother.

   My nickname for my mother was Hannibal Lecture....