Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Was playing air guitar and ripped her spandex while doing a mock stage dive off the sofa!!

   You know I'm a Duke boys fan..but how is it Luke always knows short cuts that Bo doesn't? They're always in the car together!!

   getting ready to enter the "drinking" portion of the evening.

   Remember, the next time Iceland says "pull my finger" ignore it

   thinks that some drug manufacturer's should rethingk their marketing. "We can cure your asthma but this product may cause asthma related death." Really? I think I will live with the asthma...

   I know I looked like a complete idiot on that wedding video but the camera adds 10 drinks.

   I would say Happy Mothers Day on this, but my mom doesn't have a Facebook so it wouldn't matter.

   confesses he only watches "Dancing with The Stars" for the boobs.

   Regreting is only a waste of time. if something happened,accept that it happened and there is nothing that can be done to change it.just be happy that it is not yet the end of the world.

   Sign of the times when you don't take a newspaper or magazine to the bathroom with you anymore. Instead you take your laptop with you.

   Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.

   don't make me mad, I will find your pictures and post them on peopleofwalmart.com and then see who has the last laugh!!!

   Laundry, my old nemesis…so we meet again. And I see you have brought your sidekick, Dirty Dishes with you. Well played evil villian, well played.

   will most likely go through yet another hump day without doing what the name implies. :-(

   Working with 4 women and married to another, I don't forsee being a polygamist anytime in my future

   Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

   I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them.

   Where's the damn easy button!?!

   Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

   I don't want to lie to your face, so could you do me a huge favor and turn around?