Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Girls ignore nice guys, Chase a$#holes, Then they have the nerve to complain about it..

   Even though he was voiced by James Earl Jones, Darth Vader definitely wasn't black because he never would have admitted he was Luke's father.

   If you're in a relationship. I don't know why you feel the need to upload 10 selfies a day. Look at your boyfriend instead of a camera . You attention seeking hoe

   glad to see that people all over are outraged over the death of Dillon Taylor, the unarmed white male killed by a black police officer. oh wait...

   I just picked out a Valentines Card from the Ben Roethlisberger collection. It came with a roofy, two advil for the day after and a do-it-yourself police report..

   He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.....

   a female friend of mine is taking self defense class - they told her not to yell "Help" when being attacked - you are supposed to yell "Fire". I said, "what if the attacker is holding a gun?"

   I'm not stalking you…I got your address off the envelope sitting on your coffee table in the background of your Instagram photo.

   I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant could also be called I Didn't Realize I Was Retarded.

   So its ok to have a movie called "White Men Can't Jump" but its wrong to make a movie called "Black Man Can't Swim" SOCIETY SUCKS!!!!!!

   Like this status if you know someone who's only alive because you don't want to go to jail...

   Whenever I meet a girl I always greet her with my left hand...I dont want her to meet the competition

   I fingered you in 8th grade. I don't want to have a 15 minute conversation with you and your husband at Best Buy.

   R.I.P. the Best Guitarist that ever lived... Randy Rhoads

   Just 'cause something's in style, doesn't mean everybody ought to wear it. Ladies, I have seen some of you walking around in clothes that maybe you shouldn't. Muffin tops? ok. But when you look like a busted open can of biscuits, I draw the line..

   The only reason Rihanna repeats everything in her songs is so noone will notice if the record skips during a concert like Milli Vanilli.

   says If two morons fall in love I could care less, but for the love of God please DON'T reproduce and make more of you. There are enough idiots in this world without you making more.

   can not believe Google.com banned the word 'gullible' from being entered in the search field!

   I wanna take a wiffle ball bat into malls during Christmas shopping for those idiots that just stop suddenly in the middle of the walking area. That humming thump noise while I crack it across the back of their heads would bring joy to my holiday season

   Vacation to Hawaii? Meh. Paris? No thanks. Venice? I'll pass. Back in time to being 7 years old on a Saturday? YES, PLEASE!!