santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Cinco de Mayo makes me long for a world in which all holidays are conveniently named after the dates on which they fall.
←Rate | 05-03-2017 18:26 by Zinc Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well Easter is almost over, just saw Walmart employees putting up Christmas Decorations......
←Rate | 04-16-2017 11:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All of these special little "holidays..." I heard they were gonna have a national "I Don't Give A Sh*t" day... But no one gave a sh*t so it never happened.
←Rate | 04-10-2017 21:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm finally opening my Christmas gifts. I have to hand it to my family, when you talk about recycling, they define the term. The boxes are old. I mean boxes with Christmas Seals on them from 1957 and held t
←Rate | 01-10-2017 13:35 by Quotacious Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
←Rate | 01-09-2017 09:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life was a lot easier when I believed in Santa Claus. . .
←Rate | 01-06-2017 14:19 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
←Rate | 01-06-2017 08:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only.
←Rate | 01-03-2017 05:54 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you got a big screen TV for Christmas be sure to put the empty box with your neighbor's trash. That way, their house will get robbed and not yours.
←Rate | 12-30-2016 06:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One of my biggest fears is I'll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays
←Rate | 12-29-2016 14:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can someone tell me when Santa is coming? He forgot some of the stuff I asked for
←Rate | 12-29-2016 10:35 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I gave Santa Chocolate Laxative chip cookies...
←Rate | 12-28-2016 21:09 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish I loved anything as much as Santa loves rich kids.
←Rate | 12-28-2016 12:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So over Christmas porn, there is only so much elf sex one can watch
←Rate | 12-26-2016 12:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shout Out to the Kids in the Projects that left some Milk & Cookies out for Santa but the Roaches got 2 it first.
←Rate | 12-25-2016 13:40 by Fadolo Comments (0)  

   messageicon Christmas; Another day of choreographed kindness and fake concern.
←Rate | 12-25-2016 03:29 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish I was Santa...he knows where the naught women live
←Rate | 12-24-2016 22:51 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Merry hammered people! I'm Christmas!
←Rate | 12-24-2016 22:42 by JCGJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon If everyone that receives a fruitcake for Christmas donates them to the government, Trump can build the brick wall!
←Rate | 12-24-2016 20:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fun Christmas prank: give your mom a new iPhone then refuse to help her set it up
←Rate | 12-24-2016 10:36 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

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