Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Facebook - The only place in the world you can be social while being antisocial.
←Rate | 02-21-2019 03:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the fate of the world ever rests on knowing 80s music lyrics, call me.
←Rate | 02-20-2019 12:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yo Jussie...this $3,500 check bounced!
←Rate | 02-21-2019 09:53 Comments (2)  


   messageicon It's funny that Trump never condemned the White Supremacists who killed a girl in Charlottesville, but has no problem condemning Jussie. Things that make you go hmmmmmmm.
←Rate | 02-21-2019 11:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think politeness is important. That's why I offer my seat to a lady when I get off the bus.
←Rate | 02-20-2019 13:32 by Joker Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do recipes say to "preheat oven?" Shouldn't it just be "heat oven?"
←Rate | 02-21-2019 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait for Trump's rac1st rant about Jussie on Twitter. I got my popcorn ready.
←Rate | 02-21-2019 11:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just remember son -- when you text a girl, you are also texting at least 5 of her friends.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 23:44 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who confuse the word "burro" and "burrow" don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
←Rate | 02-07-2019 19:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe the mattress stores could tell us when they are NOT having a sale
←Rate | 03-28-2018 22:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
←Rate | 09-25-2017 18:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fun prank for Halloween is to train your dog to sit and growl at the padlocked closet as your guests arrive
←Rate | 01-09-2018 20:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All those Olympic curlers are headed back home now, where the wife is standing by the door with a mop and a broom saying "no more excuses"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish people who say 'thanks, but no thanks' would make up their mind on where they stand on gratitude.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 00:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 08:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
←Rate | 06-03-2018 11:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson hasn't released a movie in three weeks. I hope he's okay.
←Rate | 07-10-2018 09:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny's while sober.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 06:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read this article earlier..that said.."cows have four stomachs"...and I wondered if anyone had checked this?..because it sounds like the sort of thing a cow would come out with to get more food?
←Rate | 09-12-2018 20:39 by Truman Comments (0)  




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