Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sociopath: The Sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are Guilty of. They do this to deflect attention from themselves.

   how do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.

   I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.

   The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.

   WOW! I can't believe the Guard who was guarding Jeffery Epstein was killed in an automobile accident - Tomorrow or Monday!

   I was at the grocery store in the flower department and this guy picking out his own flowers said to me “It’s so crazy that you have to spend so much money on something that’s just gonna die” to which I replied “And you gotta buy them flowers”

   Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.

   A small *ATM room* which is equipped with *2 ACs* and *4 tubelights, working 24 hours, is asking me not to print receipt to save environment

   Elon Musk should be awarded the Gold Medal of Freedom.

   If you put the words "Let's see who reads this" at the beginning of your post it virtually guarantees that I won't.

   I hate when we go on a weekend trip and my wife forgets to pack her vagina.

   Some fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..." Others begin with "If elected, I promise..."

   Just got my first shot and going to get another one just as soon as I can get the waitresses attention.

   If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.

   If you're constantly stirring the pot, not only should you be required to lick the spoon, but also have that spoon jammed up your butt. Perhaps that's your goal anyways.

   Gun sales hit #1 record for a Black Friday sales item.

   Out of all my body parts, my eyeballs are in the best shape because I roll them like 300 times a day...

   Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it's under the couch in the other room.

   If it isn't broken, fix it until it is. 🛠

   “The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.” ~ Mark Twain