father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

   Darth Vader: The first black guy to admit he's the father.

   Did you guys hear about the Italian atheist? He doesn't believe in the God-father....

   Whenever a couple tells me that their baby was born premature, I glare accusingly at the father.

   I wonder what Lebron got Delonte West for Father's Day?

   If she asks you what you want for Father's Day. Tell her to take you off child support.

   It's almost noon and still nobody has peeled me a grape. Worst. Father's Day. Ever.

   Gave my son the "you live under my roof, you play by my rules" speech and my father's mustache immediately appeared on my face.

   So, Mick Jagger is a new father at the age of 73. I guess time really is on his side.

   Dear Dad, Thanks for not pulling out! Happy Father's Day!!!

   A pregnancy test that also tells who the father is. But instead of a stick, you pee on Maury Povich. Don't worry, he's into it. TRUST ME

   They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak

   I love being a father. Children start off as little bundles of joy and eventually grown up to be great at getting you a beer.

   There have been more collect calls in history on Father's Day than on any other day of the year.

   A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying.

   Just wrapped up a great Father's Day with a phone call with my Dad. He taught me everything I know about fishing, grilling,and fixing things. He also taught me what to say and how to say it if I stub my toe or hit my thumb with a hammer. Thanks Dad!

   I don't fear dating a younger woman, it's her father and his shotgun I have problems with.

   Dear Tylenol, as a Father, I can respect the fact that you make your products child-proof. However, as a consumer with a splitting headache, I hate your fricken guts 'cause I can't open the damn packet with my fingers...

   Father's Day Then And Now: In 1911, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

   Happy Father's Day, all! Be nice to your dad today. Remember it's because of him not pulling out in time that you're alive today!