father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

   Feels like the whole country is on Maury waiting to find out who’s the father.

   Thanks to synonyms, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," and "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty," both mean the same thing.

   NOT the father!

   Shout out to all the deadbeat dads and sperm donors this Father's Day. Unbeknownst to you, there are kids everywhere that are becoming AMAZING PEOPLE because they want to be nothing like you.

   It's like my father used to say "Go get that rock over there... I promise I won't drive away this time."

   ..thought it was a good thing adding her parents to Facebook until I posted " is going out for the night!" & mum commented "Good! That means me and your father can have loud sex now!". I'll remember to lock my bedroom door before I go out..

   —Mom, what's for dinner? —Nothing, son. Your father studied Graphic Design.

   "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

   Father's Day always worries me. I'm afraid I'll get a gift I can't afford.

   running around the house with a wrapping paper tube saying “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

   My girl's father got mad at me, for writing my name in piss on the side of his house. I said "what about your daughter sir, it was her handwriting"

   My father is always advising me to find a girl who has the same belief of me as the family does, and then marry her. Why would I want to marry a girl who thinks I'm an idiot?

   ... So Hillary invites the father of the Orlando Gay Nightclub murderer to sit behind her at her rally! Heck ... least she could have done is asked him to wear shades to hide his identity. Hmm REALLY BEGINNING TO QUESTION HER Ability to represent America

   Sadly there comes a day in every Father/Son Relationship where your son asserts himself by simply saying "No thank you" when you say "Pull my finger".

   Snooki's pregnant...? Finding the father is gonna be harder than finding Waldo, but I bet Waldo fuck$d her too anyway.

   I had my family tree done… turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.

   It's weird how all the floor around my father is made of eggshells.

   I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

   I know I'll be a good father. I've had my iPhone for over 6 months now and I've only dropped it 182 times so far.