life Funny Status Messages

   When God asks what you've done with your life, try not to say "Didn't you read my facebook status updates?"

   Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

   Nothing in life is “fun for the whole family.”

   Remember, life isn't about accumulating stuff. It's about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.

   Life's tough. It's tougher if you're stupid...

   I was thinking about adoption to fill the void in my life, if only I could find someone willing to adopt me..

   If you want to be successful in life just tell yourself this each morning ''I am smart. intelligent, qualified. now if a job wuld just come available I'll get it!!!''

   Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

   No use in complaining about life, you were the fastest sperm, this is your reward. . .

   When people don't know what's going on in your life they SPECULATE....When they think they know...they FABRICATE...AND when they do know.......they just HATE

   pondering some of life's great mysteries. Like, why are we here?, is there life on Mars? and why doesn't Donald duck wear pants?

   The 3 C's of life; Choice, Chance, Change. You must make the Choice to take the Chance if you want anything to Change.

   My life is based on a true story.

   Anyone besides me have that totally narcissistic FB friend that post the most mundane things about their life because they think people actually care? Typing this while pooping.

   Perhaps it's about time to ask Bernie Sanders what American life was really like back in 1776.

   The worst things in life are also free.

   thinks that without Analytical Geometry, life is pointless.

   Life can take you anywhere. And here we are.

   you know you gave up on life when you eat your breakfast, lunch and dinner from a "bacon bowl"

   I hope in my next life I come back as a dog so my pills will be wrapped in cheese