life Funny Status Messages

   My mom used to say that I'm wasting my life playing all these video games... thats ok, I still have more lives!

   You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.

   My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension. She said she just couldn't take it any longer.

   Remember, Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks.

   Carpe Scrotum (grab life by the balls)

   the best things in life are free *just pay shipping & handling*

   What's the shelf life of an Elf on a shelf ?

   It's the little things in life that count. Like my salary.

   So you go to college to get a job so you can have a job to pay for college. Then you spend all your time at work and end up with no time to live the life you're working for....Ok...interesting plan.

   When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That'd be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.

   So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.

   taking life with a pinch of Salt...with a slice of lemon...and a shot of Tequlia!!!

   One of the hardest things in life is trying to plug in your charger in the dark

   Yes, I've made mistakes, but life didn't come with instructions on.

   LIFE HACK: Living out of your car isn't so bad if you keep telling yourself you're "on tour"

   If I had known life was going to be a test I would have cheated more.

   The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of ur life, starting now.

   When I die I want Charlie Sheen's life to flash before my eyes.

   The Rapture isn't going to happen as long as people keep trying to predict when it will happen. Stop guessing, live life like you know your supposed to and He'll get here when He gets here!

   Sad Fact Of Life #222: No one actually needs to wear ace bandages. Wrapping some cloth around a body part doesn't do anything, except draw attention to your imaginary affliction…and your desperate need for attention.