Funny Status Messages

   I refuse to jump on the 'I hate Mondays' bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally

   Some people repeat themselves when they're drunk & some people repeat themselves when they're drunk.

   You ever go to sleep late afternoon and wake up after dark....and you don't know what damn day it is?

   In hell, you have to find the start to scotch tape over and over

   That was insensitive. I asked you to stop being stupid without considering how incredibly difficult that must be for you.

   Getting pretty stoked for all the Facebook albums of sh!tty firework pictures I'm gonna see next week!

   Sometimes I wonder why I ever came to this Earth

   I found out today that you could group your friends on Facebook and name the group whatever you want, however I didn't know it would send the people notificati​ons saying that I added them to the, "People I've f*****.." group, sorry..

   I'll never just put the seat down; the lid's going down with it. If I gotta work, so does she.

   Holy Crap!! I was sitting there wondering why no one was posting and thought I was the only one left... Its All Good.. I accidently logged into my MySpace account.. That was a close one!

   When your ex asks if you can still be friends right after a break up it's the same thing as having a kidnapper tell you to keep in touch.

   If you are wearing Uggz with cargo shorts, you need to get your life together!!!!!!

   I̶'̶m̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶s̶t̶u̶p̶i̶d̶!̶ I'm not with stupid anymore

   I know God doesn't make mistakes but I question some of the places he put hair on the human body.

   Yield signs should just be a picture of a dude shrugging his shoulders.

   If the internet is the superhighway... Facebook is that bad accident backing up traffic for miles because everyone can't help staring at it.

   I don't know about y'all but every time I see that Direct TV commercial...I really want a miniature giraffe.

   I figured out a great way to pick up women. I painted my car to look like a taxi.

   Dear Dr. Phil, Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first. Sincerely, Dr. Pepper

   I can confidently say I'm 150 pounds of solid sexy. Plus 40-50 of squishy stuff.