Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Do soccer players actually pay for those hair cuts or do they just find the first drunk guy with a weed eater and insult his mother?

   My 4 year old son is running around saying "Yippie-Kay-Yay" and it's taking everything I've got to keep from yelling "Mother-Fucker!" Yeah, I think I may seen "Die Hard" too many times.

   Pay attention to all these women that are posting pictures with their mom's on Mother's Day because that is what they are going to look like!

   My mother always told me if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all... And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.

   Dear lady who says she will only date guys who drive Mercedes or BMW cars, yet your father drives a Hyundai; Why can't you be humble like your mother?

   Just read a story in a magazine that a woman is claiming she was raped by an alien.. Big Deal!.. So was Lady Gaga's mother

   Today I met a FOOL who has both, his girlfriend and her mother as friends on his Facebook.

   Today, my mother commented "loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes.

   Adam and Eve had an ideal relationship. He didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well Adam's mother cooked.

   "Someone's been eating my porridge!", said Father bear. Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.

   I see the mother in law's put up a new profile pic! It's got 23 yikes already!

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.

   filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?

   have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?

   Your mother sat on my glasses and broke them, I guess it's partially my fault, I should of took them off my face first.

   Why do meteorologists try and educate me on the workings of mother nature?  Dude, just tell me pants or shorts tomorrow...

   Getting snubbed by the left turn arrow at an intersection after waiting your turn is annoying. Getting skipped twice? I will murder you, light! But a third time?! Clearly a valid legal defense for blowing right through that mother f*cker.

   My mother + my father - condom = COOLEST PERSON ALIVE! :-).

   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

   A little boy examines his privates while in the bath. "Mommy, are these my brains?" His mother says, "Not yet."