Funny Status Messages
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wonders how many people could get high from snorting Amy Winehouse's ashes... 
"my cramps are killing me", "I'm in total b!tch mode!", "I'm soooo bloated.", I'm seriously sick and tired of hearing about your 'drain cycles', clearly all you ladies are ovary acting. :P
why is it so hard to understand women, its like I have to sit with a notepad n pen and study these basturds.
Damn gurl... Are you left over pizza from Saturday night because I was going to get rid of you but now that I'm drunk ur all I can think about.
Hey Great Britain... we welcome you to invade the United States. Thanks....Americans are too lazy to do it themselves.
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl's stomach full for 9 months
In my head the Burger King and the Dairy Queen are married. And they have children named Wendy and Ronald McDonald.
I never get tired of a woman saying oh my God its so big when I pull down my pants.
a ninja NO YOU ARE NOT! you saw that?? SAW WHAT? exactly...
This just in...Steinbrenner tells Jesus he has 3 days to cut his hair and shave his beard or he will be benched
I feel stupid when I write the word banana. Its like, how many na's are on this thing? ‘Cause I'm like ‘Bana … keep going. Bananana … damn.
thinks it's unbelievable how pretentious some cat owners are. I could never be like that with my Dostoevsky!
I have two nipples, and I aint sharing either one of 'em.
Juston Beiber is the AMA Artist of the year, Wonder why every one hate america
Can't remember the name of the last girl she slept with. It's on the tip of my tongue.
thinkin that girls a stunt... a little bit stupid and a little bit of a ....
It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?
Please Wait...My heart is now loading...20% completed.40% completed.80% completed.99.9% completed...Error! Error!..Something has interrupted the download. Please try again later.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I have to walk past you again?
Can dogs have onion?... Cause I gave my dog an onion four years ago,,, and now my internet's acting up 