Funny Status Messages

   Awww, someone needs a hug! "Touch me and you die."

   Oops, Accidentally bumped into my neighbour's car....... With a baseball bat and a claw hammer.

   For guys who try on women's clothing, if you really thought like a woman you would realize that you are wearing something that just doesn't fit.

   You can tell how well people cut their grass,, by the way they color things in,, on "Draw Something."

   The First rule of Premature Ejaculator's Club is don't talk about..Ooooooh God! Unnnggh! Uh ooooohhhh ...anyone have a cigarette I can have?

   Who the Hell puts Gary is a Moose and thought that ish would be funny? Last time I checked Gary is a pet Snail...... off of SpongeBob!!!

   free food stamps 252-366-4998 and BBW call me now

   Just picked up a Rubiks cube, see ya in a couple years

   Lost your pen = no pen. No pen = no notes. No notes = no study. No study = fail. Fail = no diploma. So NEVER, EVER lose your pen

   Remember those people that made lame jokes like "I miss my wife so I backed up and tried again"? I miss them.

   Childbirth is nothing compared to walking through tall grass with sh!tty a$$ Pokémon.

   Love is free but Loyalty is going to cost you extra.

   Wasn't very creative as a kid. I never had any imaginary friends growing up and neither did any of my friends from planet BeelaBoop.

   If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one. Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.

   When it comes to music...Rock...um...uh...ROCKS.

   The best nights ever begin with the question "Are we going to get in trouble for this?"

   But seriously John this IS my first rodeo! What am I doing with this angry bull again?

   The difference between a crooked lawyer and an intrepid chicken is, the chicken clucks defiant.

   If you run around a tree doing 87km/h there is a possibility of fu*king yourself

   It is so hot here ( How hot is it ) . It's so hot while I was mowing grass I saw Satan laying under a tree begging for an IV ..