Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Politicians don't wanna scare you, they wanna keep you stupid. Fear is just the smell when ignorance takes a sh!t. 
To poke or not to poke. That is the question.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life. Give an octopus nunchuks, no one's eating fish ever again
excuse me......Is that a spray on tan or did you roll in a bag of doritos???????????????????
on my way to Oz on the yellow brick road but overshot it by 150 miles- I was having an argument with myself, I was not asleep, got here OK, hanging with Glenda.
I no-longer have magazines in my washroom, I got my phone to mess around with instead
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Drunk Midgets....i'm pretty sure this is what people come to the internet for.
Whoever has the most Facebook friends when he dies WINS
Has anyone invented exploding vuvuzelas yet? (Please don't steal my idea.)
You may be out of my sight... but never out of my mind... I Miss You!
not suffering from Schizophrenia, he/she's quite enjoying it. and so am I.
DRINK TO FORGET BUT NEVER FORGET TO DRINK.
being defiant and popping his microwave popcorn with the "This Side Up" facing down. BITE ME REDEHBACHER!
It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again.
picking all the W's out of their M & M's, gosh, there's just so many! :/
Happy National Weed Day!!!
Kevin says: " Ive been poking this girl on facebook for a while.... But I dont get it.. All I do is poke her, and thats it.. no conversation, no thank you... no nothing.. WTF? :]"
Just had a customer call me for a quote, and he SANG me all his information..... so I sang back.. " ? If you're crazy and you know it take your pills! ?.... Didnt get the sale..
I'm good at reading between the lines when I'm doing cocaine off of a Kindle™. 