Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder if the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks by claiming all his appendages were "elephant-sized".....

   thinks that the Waltons take way too long to say good night!

   I really think that one whom sratches his or her own ass, should not bite their Fingernails

   Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

   When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

   drinking shots with Miley Cyrus! Hope she dosent make a song about it.

   Rated E for every one!!! wait.......

   t is my sincere hope that your day is full of love and that you are a positive influence on the people who look up to you. It is also my sincere hope that Perez Hilton pours kerosone all over himself, down his throat and in his socks & immolates himself

   How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

   haha yeah dude she talks about you all the time . .. . . she hates you..

   I remember the day like it was yesterday when I realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights

   Should I say Thank You when someone tell me *You look good TODAY!!!*?

   I was carring my baby cousin and a dragon fly lands on my shoulder in the parking lot. The shoulder that is also the start button for me to go into scream, panic, and drop everything mode

   Thinks Spiders are incredible. Us humans think we are so smart...Lets try shooting silk outta our butts and see what we could make!

   Do you think P.Diddy ever wakes up feeling like kesha ?

   all these pokes I'm getting am I supposed to sound like the pillsbury doughboy

   Facebook your always asking whats on my mind...But what I really want to know is whats on your mind?

   Anybody else have a turkey hangover?

   homework ; do me now! facebook ; don't listen to that slut.

   I'm not superstitious. Stitious, yes, but not in a heightened sense. I am, however, super lazy sometimes.