Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   No word in the English language rhymes with month.

   Almost casted for "The Biggest Loser", when I found out it wasn't the lose weight show, totally got pissed..

   Mmmm, plumpkins..

   Be yourself beautiful, and you will find the world full of beauty

   I'm sorry Baby, that's gravity. I can't help it that I'm physically attracted to you

   brakes for unicorns.

   I plan to only eat aberdeen angus beef for every meal in January. aberdeen angus beef that has been slain by my hands. my BARE hands!

   An ideal mind is a devil's workshop...mine is a warehouse!

   A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

   Dont sh!t where you eat...A friendly reminder brought to you by The Stop Being A Dumb@ss Association.

   going for Gold in the Men's Uphill Giant Slalom....Gravity is a B*tch!

   as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room ful of rocking chairs.

   if you're gonna be a smart ass, atleast try not to look dumb.

   I'm fed up with my brain remembering crap I'd like to forget and forgetting crap I'd like to remember!

   Anybody else have a turkey hangover?

   homework ; do me now! facebook ; don't listen to that slut.

   I'm not superstitious. Stitious, yes, but not in a heightened sense. I am, however, super lazy sometimes.

   If you see any grown man with beads at the end of his braids, please knock his azz TF out

   Parents: You can help fight childhood obesity by stop feeding your child, fatty foods!!

   They say heavy Cell phone use causes brain cancer. Fellas this is a great excuse when she ask why you ain't pick up