Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We're no strangers to love, you know the rules, and so do I....Yep, you just sang it, out loud, and realized that you have been RickRolled \m/

   America is no longer the fattest country in the world. That honor belongs to Mexico now. In other news the Twinkie is making an historic comeback. Well played Mexico, Well played indeed!

   i got so drunk I went fishing and caught a sharktopuss

   A Fan Jumped on Stage and Pulls Beyonce Hair while she was Singing ? That's Messed up..

   If a man needs to be taught how to fish, that man is a wussy.

   Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, air pressure will suck your spine out of your butt, because you forgot to wear a spacesuit....... Idiot.

   Sometimes I run toward people and get so frustrated that they don't know I want to do the Dirty Dancing lift. Then it just becomes awkward.

   Getting kicked in the b@lls is more painful for men than having a baby is for women. Proof: When a woman has a baby she says "Ooo I want to have another baby!" When a man gets kicked in the b@lls, he never wants that again. So having a baby is not as bad.

   Purposely wearing white today... the thug life continues.

   Telling a woman to calm down when she's drunk, works about as well as baptizing a cat !

   if a full moon makes you crazy, you were a crazy biotch to start with!

   you will always be the answer, when somebody asks me what I'm thinking about

   Maybe I should get a ventriloquist dummy to say all the ignorant things I think and blame it on the dummy!....lol

   We need to quit worrying about small pox, and start worrying about big pox

   Sometimes I think that if there were a third sex, men wouldn't get so much as a glance from me.

   "always appears a saint, when most I play the devil"

   I'm a pc and Windows 7 was NOT my idea.

   Paddy and Murphy walking down the road when Paddy finds a mirror He looks at it and says, "I'm sure I've seen this man before!" and then passes it to Murphy. Murphy then says, "You stupid idiot! That's me!"

   Im like domino's pizza, if I dont come in 30 minutes the next one is free.

   when you really think about it….life and nature are pretty simple….it's all about finding food, building shelter, and getting some