Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Money can't buy love; you are just paying for their attention and time.

   I thought of Lady Gaga when I ordered skirt steak.

   if gene pool wre like swimmin pool id drain mine & start over with fresh untainted water

   Visiting your extremely religious Grandma can be a day full of uncomfortable feelings and guilt. This is because Grandma has a little Dogma that's obsessed with chasing after everyone elses Karma.

   Rumors are the sauce of a dry life.

   During sex, anyone can say I love you, but only a few are going to stay and prove it.

   Crowded elevators smell different to little people

   Dear Apple, today would be the perfect day to bring out the new iphone to 'prove' that it's better than blackberry

   I'm worried that if I give up smoking I'll replace it with murdering.

   if girls don't have to piss side by side with their junk out, why do guys?

   If you suspect someone has the power to read minds, then just play Never Gonna Give You Up in your head so they will get Rick-Rolled trying to read your thoughts.

   Wishes there was a national "Free Domino's Day"

   I hate it when Pi Day falls on a Monday!

   FACEBOOK: the only place you can poke your friends and not get a divorce or break up over it.. yet your motives may be questioned

   Super Mario Been Encouraging Men To take Stuff to get Bigger Since the 80's

   I think the NHS cutbacks have gone too far... I didn't even get a f-kin sticker at the dentist today.

   I have a feeling that If alive today Hosni Mubarak's "mummy" would be disappointed!

   Today is national VD awareness day, please wish all of your single friends a warm and happy VD.

   time for class...today will never be called ValentiMe's day...learn to speak people

   Today is a special day in the rite of spring. It speaks of rejuvenated love and a reminder of things that are sweet. Happy Pitchers and Catchers Report day!