Funny Status Messages

   2011: I'm sexy and I know it. 1836: I am physically attractive and I am aware of this statement.

   so....I almost got beat up in jail last night !....my family takes Monopoly very seriously....

   Put your crash helmet on love, because you're going through the headboard.

   I'm not suggesting Cher is a nazi, but at no point during 'If I could turn back time' does she think about killing Hitler.

   Have you ever noticed that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

   Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, ‘Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, current account, confidence, and good standing among your friends'.

   I'm a problem that you'd be glad to have.

   Pro tip; If your parents, your boss, and three of your friends invite you to a party at a clinic its a trap.

   1 new message: runs for phone, jumps over sofa, runs a marathon, swims Atlantic ocean, pushes mom out the way. grabs phone...."k" FUUUUUUU!

   Televison is a chewing gum for the eyes ,,!

   Who said nights were for sleep? ― Marilyn Monroe

   throwing fertilizer at people who need to grow up

   Don't you think it's awkward for most teens today getting a "happy mothers day" for their mistake?

   I hate nerds who coverup their answers. Like come on bro lets work together.

   I wish I had a nickel for every time I wanted to sell weed.

   The difference between intelligence & wisdom is simple. An intelligent person knows what to say. A wise person knows IF& WHEN to say it.

   I don't celebrate valentines day.

   Planet Saturn = 7 rings Michael Jordan = 6 rings Kobe Bryant = 5 rings LeBron James = 1 really nice headband

   lam is a religion of peace, and they'll kill your ass to prove it.

   If I have a baby girl..I'm going to name her "Charity" Then I will be able to hold fundraisers in her name...not to mention the tax breaks.