santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   No thanks, contemporary Christmas music.

   Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone's front porch.

   I actually did see mommy kissing Santa Claus. At the mall. I was 8. My dad was pissed.

   Don't look now, but your Secret Santa is watching you!

   accidentally left edibles for santa and came downstairs to find him trying to watch pink floyd on my toaster

   They are making us take down American Flags off Bridges, Fire Trucks all across America! Watch, The National Christmas Tree is next, because it offends some people! Take back our Country before it's too Late!

   ____________is so far in the closet he is finding Christmas presents in Narnia.

   I'm dreaming of a liberal Christmas, where nothing is paid for, I always sit on the couch with my hand out, waiting for the people with jobs to pay me more.

   In an effort to boost sales, some stores are doing a "Christmas in July" completes with holiday music, decorations and sales. Nothing will put you in a buying/holiday/festive mood like Santa in a speedo.

   Does anyone in this group know of an old couple or even a single old lady or man who will be eating alone this Christmas? I am having friends and relatives over and need to borrow a few chairs.

   So over Christmas porn, there is only so much elf sex one can watch

   Remember Christmas is a time for giving, so give generously, I accept credit cards, checks and cash.

   My favourite Christmas gift was a 24-pack of high-quality socks. I have worn them all already and now I'm depressed and in withdrawal.

   My wife said she wanted a clean, fresh start in the new year. Merry Christmas babe, here's your Hoover.

   Don't you just hate how you finally get Christmas all put away and it's already time to put up the Martin Luther King decorations??...?

   There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.

   Bucket list #33: Get a mouse dressed as a pirate to sit on your shoulder while you hand out Christmas gifts,, Also he should pretend to steer you holding a potato-chip.

   What did the little black kid get for Christmas? My bike :(

   Ho, Ho, Ho!" - Santa Claus doing a naughty girl head count.

   The real Christmas miracle is how quick I go broke