Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5002 of 6373
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If my st@tus upd@tes don't make you spit what you got in your mouth then you're a swallower...and hi there.
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07-19-2012 03:02
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My Political-Plumber friend says it's --- Lefty liberal, Righty up-tighty
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07-19-2012 09:01 by snotty
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I went to church for confession. It's strange. I don't remember the priest's dialogue ever containing "The power of Christ compells you!" before.
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08-14-2012 06:36
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Objects in rear feel bigger than they appear
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05-29-2013 20:01
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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments..
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05-17-2010 21:27 by BEGO
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Your luck is so bad, that if I put a bucket of pu*sy in front of you, you would reach in pull out an a**hole!!
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05-27-2010 10:03 by Jeff
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If you're friending me on Facebook ONLY because you want a nail or you have a lost cow in Farmville, the joke's on you! I play Mafia Wars!
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I'm an angel, the horns are just there to keep the halo straight
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12-17-2010 09:25 by @buddz31
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Sometimes I will post on a friend's wall because a really ugly person just did I want my pic to look good next to it in comparison. And if the next person thats posts is ugly....bonus!!
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01-18-2011 20:28
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just had a bunch of underwear stolen. Cops are making a brief inquiry.
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07-20-2010 22:10 by kittykat
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wondering where the white goes when the snow melts.
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Erm, Dear Santa, let me explain... the money was only resting in my account, and that thing with the elves , I have destroyed the negatives so you can be rest assured I will not black mail you for any pressies this year, been a good run, 30 plus years...
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11-29-2009 19:52
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
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12-08-2009 20:10
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Rihanna can stopp tryin' . . . Seems like Chris Brown slapped the music outta her. . .
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Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die
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01-20-2010 10:07
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•When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
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02-05-2010 18:45 by cj
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*Doctor enters room*.."I'm going to be blunt with you".. *whips out a huge joint*.."Let's light-up".. Nice.."BTW, you've got epilepsy".. Nice
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10-04-2013 16:38 by snotty
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Men, if you've been called a$$h0le by 3 or more people, you're an a$$h0le.
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10-15-2013 19:50
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"In this jungle are the world's deadliest snakes. Let's go see what they're up to." ~ white folks
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03-15-2015 13:17
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If one of Santa Claus's helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
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12-12-2017 07:07
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